Parenting is a tough job, and no matter how adept you are at solving your life issues, parenting turns out to be a little hard cookie. We all want to excel as parents and we tend to go into an overdrive in the process. Though if one sits down to analyze it, there are basic details which are to be kept in mind. Your children are all decent ones and won’t need excesses to be dealt with. After all, not every mother can produce gems like Shinchan and Nobita.
Parenting has been a hot topic of research among child psychologists, Clinical Training experts et al. There are subjective journals and research papers written on the topic, and why not. Yet, there are certain basic behavioural parameters which many experts believe work better with children. The Director of Online Clinical Training at Northwestern University, Dr Nathan Peron, has similar views on that. He has segregated the parenting behaviour patterns into 4 different set of actions or behaviours. A lot of people may have already implemented it without knowing it. These gems certainly work wonders for parents.
These sets are known as Four Cs of Parenting.
Childhood may seem to be a naïve phenomenon and we may think that children get over things easily. Stop right there, denials, non-permissions, lack of support can push a child into an unseen trauma which may affect them once they grow up. Now what you go to do is to learn to give them their space while keeping some control over it. The children must feel that what they are doing is out of their own choice. If your child throws tantrum over taking shower, you can tell him/her either to have a bath before or after breakfast; it is up to them how they do it. This allows them to feel they have their personal space and order. Yet, they are completing the tasks which are asked of them. This helps in keeping the house happy and children healthy without a sulk.
The human mind works on incentives, be it negative or positive but it looks for an outcome of whatever it does. Similarly, children look for incentives too. We can call them the consequences as well. When you allow your children to make a choice, even If you do not like it, you ensure that they know how it may turn out for them. So if your child plans on being Shinchan and wants to do things, you can attach a clause like, if they don’t do their homework on time… They can afford not to do it as long as they are willing to stay grounded for a few days. This will let your child know that he does have a freedom but it will have a price too. It is certain they wouldn’t like to pay that price very often.
As a parent, you might say a lot of things and give a lot of instructions to your child. You may not follow up with your own words. Stop doing that. Children usually test waters to find how deep they can go and how much are you willing to concede. If you concede once, you will keep conceding. That has nothing to do with your parent ego but everything to do with the child’s psychology and discipline. That doesn’t mean you stop giving freedom to your children. You can be understanding to their desires and wishes for the most part but learn to say No at crucial junctures. If they are not allowed to play iPad for more than two hours a day that means they aren’t crossing the time limit. You don’t have to say No very often but when you refuse, it stays refused. That will make your children learn that your word can’t be overridden. That bit of consistency shapes their future. This keeps them positive about life and everything which comes along with it. Not the following consistency will have another Robert Downey Jr Vol 1 at home. Vol 2 gets you an Avenger.
While discipline is good for your children, care is equally important. When you ask your kids to do something, they should feel that it is good for them and their present and future. You may well ask them to take up a difficult routine. But, your communication must convey the importance of it and that you want the best for them. Your child wants to be a football player but doesn’t like the tough routine which comes with it. Now it is your job to let them know that you intend to follow up with them. They will do the same since it is important for their dream. It is important to let them know that you care enough about it to go through it all along. Being cared is beautiful and your children should feel cared more often than not.